Category: Englisch

top 5 reasons computers must be female

  1.     No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
  2.     Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future references.
  3.     The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
  4.     The message, „Bad command or filename,“ is about as informative as „If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you.“
  5.     As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

please also read „top 5 reasons computers must be male“

top 5 reasons computers must be male

  1.     They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
  2.     They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection.
  3.     They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than they have to and they won’t think of it on their own.
  4.     They’re typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they’ve already invested so much in the damn machine that they’re compelled to remain with an underpowered system.
  5.     They get hot when you turn them on and that’s the only time you have their attention.

please also read „top 5 reasons computers must be female“

how many mail list subscribers does it take to ….

Q: How many Internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,342:

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add „Me Too.“
11 to tell us that we should be happy to have lightbulbs at all and that they are not supportet in their country
12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.
19 to quote the „Me Too’s“ to say, „Me Three.“
4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

T.G.I.F

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a Blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying „T-G-I-F“.
He smiled at her and replied „S-H-I-T“.

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, „T-G-I-F“ again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, „S-H-I-T“.

The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly „T-G-I-F“ another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, „S-H-I-T“.

The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, „T-G-I-F, Thank goodness Its Friday; get it?“ The man answered, „Sorry, Honey, It’s Thursday“.

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