It’s Broken (to the tune of „She Loves You“
(with apologies to John Lennon and Paul McCartney)
You think you know the code, and you know just what to say-ay
you tried another load, then you called me yesterday-ay
you said It’s Broken-Â and I think it’s pretty bad
the APAR’s open, and my boss is getting mad
You didn’t read the docs or put your tapes in sequence
it’s quite a paradox and it’s getting pretty frequent
you said It’s Broken – and I think it’s pretty bad
the APAR’s open, and my boss is getting mad
It’s Broken, yeah, yeah, yeah
It’s Broken, yeah, yeah, yeah
and we don’t care how – we want it fixed today
You signed onto the node and you started to install
you watched VM explode, then you tried another call
you said It’s Broken, and I think it’s pretty bad
the APAR’s open – and my boss is getting mad
It’s Broken, yeah, yeah, yeah
It’s Broken, yeah, yeah, yeah
and it’s not our fault – we want it fixed today
  don’t Wanna Hold Your Hand
(with apologies to John Lennon and Paul McCartney)
You should know how to do this
you say you understand
then why, now, are you calling?
Don’t wanna hold your hand]
When I hear that phone ring
And hear you make demands
then I try to keep cool
Don’t wanna hold your hand]
Don’t wanna hold your hand] Don’t wanna hold your hand]
And when you call I feel a growing
despair
We just went over that this morning
were you there?
are you there?
do I care?
Don’t wanna hold your hand] Don’t wanna hold your hand]
With special thanks to Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel
(to the tune of „50 ways to leave your lover“)
 50 WAYS TO CLOSE AN APAR
I heard them talking round the terminal one night,
They were working on a problem and they couldn’t get it right.
Then someone said, „hey guys, although it may sound trite,
there must be
50 ways to close an APAR.“
They turned and asked him, „what exactly do you mean ?“
He said, „first you really have to understand the service scene,
but, if you’ll let me, I’ll be glad to intervene
and show you
50 ways to close an APAR
50 ways to close an APAR.“
Call it a DOC, Jock.
User made a mistake, Jake.
Say it’s RACF’s fault, Walt,
and get yourself free.
Make it a SUG, Doug,
it ain’t really a JES bug.
Then take a month’s leave, Steve.
and get yourself free.
(repeat-Call it a…)
He said, „now listen very carefully to me
It’s a waste of time to fix ‚em; they only go PE,
so why not just apply this simple remedy,
and use those
50 ways to close an APAR?“
They all returned to work with cries of childish glee,
and they quickly brought the backlog from 200 down to three,
which only goes to show how simple life can be
when you know
50 ways to close an APAR
50 ways to close an APAR.
Make it a WAD, Rod.
Call it a DUP, Rupe.
Tell a little white lie, Cy,
listen to me.
Say it won’t be reproduce, Bruce,
you JES gotta hang loose, Bruce,
then resign from the firm, Herm
and get yourself free.
(repeat- Make it a…)